Stages of Grief: RIP Bob Collymore

David Kessler and Elizabeth Kubler put forward a perspective that holds that there are five stages of grief. First stage is denial often signified with that persistent feeling or belief that life is meaningless. Second stage is anger which is delineated with that subtle or conspicuous act of being annoyed with anything and everything such as animated objects, perfect strangers, family or friends. The third stage is bargaining, where you’re torn between feeling helpless and vulnerable. At intervals, it is that feeling of guilty contrived when your mind drifts into places of hope or prayer. You begin thinking that if you did something different the predicament would not have occurred. Secretly, you attempt to make a deal with God in an endeavor to postpone the inevitable. The two last stages of grief is depression and acceptance.

When I learned about Bob Collymore’s demise, I jumped straight to anger. In his lifetime, I only encountered him once – In the first interview he gave Jeff Koinange when he was in complete remission. Mentally, I left the conversation knowing if you had money, cancer is curable. Period. So, in a nutshell, his demise felt like a testimony has been stolen from me and, I was peeved. I asked questions. I glowered. I must have downloaded every video of him on YouTube and, other platforms. My way of mourning this guy, did not just accede to the acceptance stage. In fact, the people who annoyed me the most, are the people who said he KNEW that he was going to die (don’t you?) That he was ready for it! In my head, what does “being ready” entail?

The other cluster of people who pissed me off, are the ‘know-it-alls’ who explained his ailment in the most clichéd explanation there is about cancer. These ones made me want to pick one of them by their feet and hit the rest of them with him. Then, there were others who downright hurt me. The people who do not know how to listen. They spoke right after you did, or they cut you short and, (the worst bit), they attempted to compare Collymore’s predicament to someone or something they knew. They compared everything! His age, his achievements, his fighting spirit, eeigh!

I crept into the third (and maybe the fourth) stage with every video I watched – the interviews, the presentation, his speeches and the memorial service was surreal. It was hard to accept he was gone. My little piece of testimony, gone. Would I have felt better if I learned that his passing on was as a result of something else? Bargaining. By Sunday, I was at the verge of stage four and squarely at the heart denial, because what is this life if all your affluence and all your influence in this life can’t save you at the face of death?

The best decision that I made on Sunday was going to church. The reminder of the words in John 14:18 were timely. Knowing that no situation should feel this hopeless and remembering that the Holy Spirit was sent for a time such as this. To accord us comfort and, to remind us of God’s word. There is something about consciously remembering about the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives that is healing itself. Aside from this, I finally got the Daily Nation article that Collymore had with Bikozulu. It is really satiating to learn that Collymore did not simply accept or prepare for his death because he lacked options. It is really assuaging to learn that at the point of his death, the peace he made with death was not that of a cornered rat waiting for his fate to urnravel. Rather, it came on the 7 weeks when he was undergoing treatment. It was bolstered by the words of his ten year old daughter, who called him a good man. He said, “If I do not see 61 then I am good.”

Ultimately, God is a healer … and I am mighty glad for this interview.

Bob Collymore, until we meet again, rest easy.