Stephen Njoroge Kiarie

When I was young, I had what I later learned was a bad behavior. The bible applauds forgiveness, right? In this heart bit, I thought I was 'letting things go' but in reality, I was playing a victim of circumstance. I was living in an invincible cocoon waiting to see, that part "Vengeance is mine" come to pass. But that was when I was young.

This morning, I've got a confession. I never really mourn for my losses. I don't really cry for the people who die close to me... or the people I kinda value. It might be something that stems from losing important relatives at a really young age, where understanding isn't 'ace'. Or losing several people at relatively short period of time. Or sheer act of deniability... Whatever it is, I don't really mourn for my losses. People describe their loss as some sort of hollowness they walk around in. I describe mine as that other face of a coin. You know it's there, you know it exists... you just don't take a long hard look at it. There's no need to punish yo'self with such anguish thoughts. No need to immerse yourself in an abyss of pain and just get lost in it all... I mean even the bible notes: If you FAINT in your day of adversity, you ARE weak.

So this morning, I want to celebrate the life of a person I never really knew, Stiv Njoroge Kiarie. The only memory I have of this guy, is when my bullies used his name to pick on me (barely at the age of 6), and I almost wanted to look at him with spite... Stive simply stared with a persistent smile and extended a blue sharpener to me. I've gone through his photos in Facebook, He still smiled. Through it all he smiled

... and with the memories of him, I want to do, what some writer wrote... I want to dip my toes in a pool of pain. I want to swirl it around & slowly immerse myself in it. I want to register change... and acknowledge the loss of all my fallen heroes. First, I want to celebrate the life of a nephew I never knew I had, Jeremy - for the eight days you soldiered on. ... and to the other fallen heroes - Jastorina, Master Sugu, Papa Wemba, Lucy Kibaki and moreso ALL my fallen schoolmates and classmates.

For the fallen friends and family... Just because I haven't cried doesn't mean I have not shed tears for you. Lord knows I have fought. I have striven. I have endeavored for the tears not to touch the ground. Just because I look away, doesn't mean am living in some sort of fantasy, hoping you're coming back. Lord knows, I perceive and celebrate all you've left behind. And this morning, I hope and pray that you rest in peace. Cause you are forever living in my heart.

As for Stive, thank you. Thank you for a thoughtful morning. Thank you for the life you lived. I am rising a candle for you too this morning.