Enebeli Elebuwa
So most times, I'm not the like who talk in prose... See sometimes, I find this form of communication as a blogger quite draining. Well, sometimes I find it too obvious, I mean some of the people who (t)read through my posts are actually my close friends. People who will call you up and say "You see that post XX twas dope!" So talking in poetry sometimes helps me hide behind concise words... And sometimes you just need poetry to imbue a sentiment, to pass a thought or present a concept... In some cases, poetry presents some imperciptible beauty, you know that ka-brittle feeling of hard shit tumbling down your ass? Yep! There is some brittle ectasy poetry bestows you just can't replace.
Anyway, earlier this evening my sister and I were having this random pointless conversations that sisters can have. You should have heard her trying to give me details of (what I later found out to be Enebeli Elebuwa)... She tried describing a number of movies that I know he has acted. See the thing with my sister is that, she has got a way with words that makes obvious things quite harder to identify them. But when she tells me that the chap has died, well she gets my attention.
Allow me to tell you something about death, no, allow me to explain my (personal) relationship with death. I HATE IT. Simple. So for me, it does not matter who died... a relative (known/ unknown), my favourite dog, a celebrity, a stranger with a not so-overwhelming-background... Anyone. Anyone who dies imbues almost the same feeling in me... that persistent thought of however important this person was, however much potential he/she had, the person is never coming back... and its the thought that makes me shudder, it is the thought that brings me to a breaking point. It doesn't matter whether all my years of living I have never met the individual... and chances are; I probably would never have met them anyway! The fact that they died cancels out all opportunities he/she or they had...not just in relation to me but with themselves, their families, friends and strangers too...
So from my sister's explanations, I know I will never know who this guy is... and I think it is better if I do not know him cause then I won't attach a face to yet another loss that the world is experiencing. But the feeling of not knowing when I can know, is one that I have never been able to easily shake it off. Am imagining, what if I will be watching Nigerian movies and I keep searching for this guy, how will I know that I will find him/ not find him on the screens if I didn't know if he is the one who died (tsk..tsk.. I know!!! It can be HARD being ME!) So I did what most people my age with viable electronic devices do when faced with such a 'dilemma'... I googled, and (dang) it was him.
Wait, what? Him????!!!!! Yaani, this world couldn't think of anyone better to deprive me off other than him? (Not that there are people who are better at dying than others, however much, some people look like PERFECT baits for death) I mean, this guy is or (rather) was too familiar man... He was too good in his acting! He'd make you hate him if he wanted to or love him if he wanted to, with such flair-and he did it effortlessly, (if I knew he was being bedridden for an year or so- I would have prayed.-would my prayers have made any difference?) Oh, now I feel the initial feeling that death plunges in me, alittle remorse... alittle penitence for something I have little/ no control over.... I didn't know this guy's real names (up till now) But I know I wanted to see more of him on my silver screens...
Now am particularly mad at death... and am having these bad thoughts!! Like, is there a day when humanity/ living creatures/ whatever is omnipotent, pay death with its own coin? Is there a day, death will be killed a billion times so that even 'it' can feel what it feels to be dead... But again, that is not a cool thought- no one should wish death to another, not even the worst of foes deserves enternity away to a world they have known all this while- But again its destiny right? Hmm... my mind is rampant at the moment... and am thinking.
Suppose one day death comes to me a.k.a.... In that day I shall die, I do not think I want anyone crying over me. Because, yes, I have been there and I have done that and I know how much draining it can be... and I am thinking, if I shall have eyes when am dead- it will be harder for me to rest in peace seeing all those who loved me casting longing looks at me/ my memory wishing that I had a moment longer with them. I do not know, when I shall die, infact am one of those few (or many) blessed people who have not been diagnosed with an incurrable/ long term disease. But knowing how random death can present itself, you can consider this a personal plea. That when I die, I do not think I want anyone to cry over me.
I know like me, you might be tempted to cry at the thought of the things we will no longer be able to do... All the same, no. Do not cry for me. Do not punish yourself with such anguishing thoughts because I have always thought the day that I die- shall be my day to die. All throughout my life, I have never been one to believe in coincedence so WHATEVER the cause of my death shall be, you best believe that God or whomever makes plans of events/ the one who decided upon my birth day, decided on this one too. So rest assured that I am at peace. Just like I came to the world, unknown to me, I am at peace leaving with the same heart beat.
So instead of crying, rather than holding on to what used to be, rejoice and be glad that you still have one another. Rejoice that you still have someone beside you to talk to and walk with... Be glad that you still have someone to love and laugh with. Do not cry and think that I am gone for good... Rather look for me among the people I loved and those that I lived with. You will find me in their smiles, in their hearts, in their memories.... though my physical body shall be gone, my legacy shall live on. The legacy of going out to be a friend to the world, rather than waiting for the world to be your friend. The legacy of looking in the eyes of those who do not trust/care/love themselves enough and seeing more than the world has spoken against them...and reaching out to them and help them understand their worth. Yes, rather than wishing I was there a while longer, find peace in knowing that now you have a chance to continue in my legacy of love... and trying your best to improve on all that I left behind.
Instead of crying, take time to embrace people like it were me... try and understand people in better ways, and be there for them like you would to me. Realising that the legendary saying that 'life is short' is indeed true. So do not waste more time wishing, regreting or hoping. Try to have the best outta life while you still can. Do not miss out on the changes of life- love everyone that you can, even those that others think do not deserve your love. As far as you have the will to love them, love them!- This is one of God's best gift given to man and over the years I have realised it gave me so much pleasure. Do not habor bitterness in your heart- cause it only takes minutes out of your life... Rather leave the things that hurt you where you found them... As far as you are at peace with yourself and God, do not stop living at the pace of your life.
Just in case, at the moment of my death you realise that I (me) was not living in the ways of Christ. Well, by all means cry! Because this means that my soul shall be somewhere stuck 'beyond second chances and enternity'... Waiting for judgement, waiting to be admonished to hell for enternity (now that is a scary thought!) I shall never have a chance to forgive my enemy/ friend... I shall never have a chance like yours to confess my sins and live... Or to laugh/ love and just be a friend to someone new/ old while enjoying my life. So yeah, if I have been a sluggard, a drunkard, greedy or immoral in some ways at the point of my death, then cry cause I too will not be sure if your prayers and wishes of rest in peace shall be of substance then.
To Enebeli Elebuwa, I do not know whether if people die they have heightened ears/ knowledge to those (especially) people whom you didn't know in their lifetime. But I hope they do, I for one love your acting...at intervals it has made me laugh...at intervals it has made me glower and best of all is that each of your perfomances made me a lesson wiser and for that I thank you.
I hope (like me) I will have the priviledge to find pieces of you in others and that you I will keep learning from you (somehow). Most of my friends also regret your loss and we love you, RIP Sir and yeah, you are a hero. I hope God grants peace to your family, friends and fans as they all strive to attain the desires of their hearts. My condolescences to them all. RIP Enebeli Elebuwa
Anyway, earlier this evening my sister and I were having this random pointless conversations that sisters can have. You should have heard her trying to give me details of (what I later found out to be Enebeli Elebuwa)... She tried describing a number of movies that I know he has acted. See the thing with my sister is that, she has got a way with words that makes obvious things quite harder to identify them. But when she tells me that the chap has died, well she gets my attention.
Allow me to tell you something about death, no, allow me to explain my (personal) relationship with death. I HATE IT. Simple. So for me, it does not matter who died... a relative (known/ unknown), my favourite dog, a celebrity, a stranger with a not so-overwhelming-background... Anyone. Anyone who dies imbues almost the same feeling in me... that persistent thought of however important this person was, however much potential he/she had, the person is never coming back... and its the thought that makes me shudder, it is the thought that brings me to a breaking point. It doesn't matter whether all my years of living I have never met the individual... and chances are; I probably would never have met them anyway! The fact that they died cancels out all opportunities he/she or they had...not just in relation to me but with themselves, their families, friends and strangers too...
So from my sister's explanations, I know I will never know who this guy is... and I think it is better if I do not know him cause then I won't attach a face to yet another loss that the world is experiencing. But the feeling of not knowing when I can know, is one that I have never been able to easily shake it off. Am imagining, what if I will be watching Nigerian movies and I keep searching for this guy, how will I know that I will find him/ not find him on the screens if I didn't know if he is the one who died (tsk..tsk.. I know!!! It can be HARD being ME!) So I did what most people my age with viable electronic devices do when faced with such a 'dilemma'... I googled, and (dang) it was him.
Wait, what? Him????!!!!! Yaani, this world couldn't think of anyone better to deprive me off other than him? (Not that there are people who are better at dying than others, however much, some people look like PERFECT baits for death) I mean, this guy is or (rather) was too familiar man... He was too good in his acting! He'd make you hate him if he wanted to or love him if he wanted to, with such flair-and he did it effortlessly, (if I knew he was being bedridden for an year or so- I would have prayed.-would my prayers have made any difference?) Oh, now I feel the initial feeling that death plunges in me, alittle remorse... alittle penitence for something I have little/ no control over.... I didn't know this guy's real names (up till now) But I know I wanted to see more of him on my silver screens...
Now am particularly mad at death... and am having these bad thoughts!! Like, is there a day when humanity/ living creatures/ whatever is omnipotent, pay death with its own coin? Is there a day, death will be killed a billion times so that even 'it' can feel what it feels to be dead... But again, that is not a cool thought- no one should wish death to another, not even the worst of foes deserves enternity away to a world they have known all this while- But again its destiny right? Hmm... my mind is rampant at the moment... and am thinking.
Suppose one day death comes to me a.k.a.... In that day I shall die, I do not think I want anyone crying over me. Because, yes, I have been there and I have done that and I know how much draining it can be... and I am thinking, if I shall have eyes when am dead- it will be harder for me to rest in peace seeing all those who loved me casting longing looks at me/ my memory wishing that I had a moment longer with them. I do not know, when I shall die, infact am one of those few (or many) blessed people who have not been diagnosed with an incurrable/ long term disease. But knowing how random death can present itself, you can consider this a personal plea. That when I die, I do not think I want anyone to cry over me.
I know like me, you might be tempted to cry at the thought of the things we will no longer be able to do... All the same, no. Do not cry for me. Do not punish yourself with such anguishing thoughts because I have always thought the day that I die- shall be my day to die. All throughout my life, I have never been one to believe in coincedence so WHATEVER the cause of my death shall be, you best believe that God or whomever makes plans of events/ the one who decided upon my birth day, decided on this one too. So rest assured that I am at peace. Just like I came to the world, unknown to me, I am at peace leaving with the same heart beat.
So instead of crying, rather than holding on to what used to be, rejoice and be glad that you still have one another. Rejoice that you still have someone beside you to talk to and walk with... Be glad that you still have someone to love and laugh with. Do not cry and think that I am gone for good... Rather look for me among the people I loved and those that I lived with. You will find me in their smiles, in their hearts, in their memories.... though my physical body shall be gone, my legacy shall live on. The legacy of going out to be a friend to the world, rather than waiting for the world to be your friend. The legacy of looking in the eyes of those who do not trust/care/love themselves enough and seeing more than the world has spoken against them...and reaching out to them and help them understand their worth. Yes, rather than wishing I was there a while longer, find peace in knowing that now you have a chance to continue in my legacy of love... and trying your best to improve on all that I left behind.
Instead of crying, take time to embrace people like it were me... try and understand people in better ways, and be there for them like you would to me. Realising that the legendary saying that 'life is short' is indeed true. So do not waste more time wishing, regreting or hoping. Try to have the best outta life while you still can. Do not miss out on the changes of life- love everyone that you can, even those that others think do not deserve your love. As far as you have the will to love them, love them!- This is one of God's best gift given to man and over the years I have realised it gave me so much pleasure. Do not habor bitterness in your heart- cause it only takes minutes out of your life... Rather leave the things that hurt you where you found them... As far as you are at peace with yourself and God, do not stop living at the pace of your life.
Just in case, at the moment of my death you realise that I (me) was not living in the ways of Christ. Well, by all means cry! Because this means that my soul shall be somewhere stuck 'beyond second chances and enternity'... Waiting for judgement, waiting to be admonished to hell for enternity (now that is a scary thought!) I shall never have a chance to forgive my enemy/ friend... I shall never have a chance like yours to confess my sins and live... Or to laugh/ love and just be a friend to someone new/ old while enjoying my life. So yeah, if I have been a sluggard, a drunkard, greedy or immoral in some ways at the point of my death, then cry cause I too will not be sure if your prayers and wishes of rest in peace shall be of substance then.
To Enebeli Elebuwa, I do not know whether if people die they have heightened ears/ knowledge to those (especially) people whom you didn't know in their lifetime. But I hope they do, I for one love your acting...at intervals it has made me laugh...at intervals it has made me glower and best of all is that each of your perfomances made me a lesson wiser and for that I thank you.
I hope (like me) I will have the priviledge to find pieces of you in others and that you I will keep learning from you (somehow). Most of my friends also regret your loss and we love you, RIP Sir and yeah, you are a hero. I hope God grants peace to your family, friends and fans as they all strive to attain the desires of their hearts. My condolescences to them all. RIP Enebeli Elebuwa
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